All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
