she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
