Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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