What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
