dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
