Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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