i wish there were pregnant emoticons
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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