Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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