not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
