What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
