Please, let me fuck your mom
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
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I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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