saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
