why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
