Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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