Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
