Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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