we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Be still, my beating vagina.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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