Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
