Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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