I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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