1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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