The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
