The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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