My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If that was your dad, he is hot
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
