I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
