I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
