finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
