She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
