so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
