We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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