I hate all girls vehemently.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
