you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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