My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
