Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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