But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
