k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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