I didn't shave. On purpose
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
