I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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