Having a random hookup so left but love u
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
