Got a toothbrush?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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