i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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