So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize