I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
