Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
