I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
