It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
