a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
