I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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