i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Dick very happy bro
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
