Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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