You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
