last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize