In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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