someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
