goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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