I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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