I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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