Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
