I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
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