census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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