I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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