I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
