return my video game
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
