note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
