i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
