Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
