So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
