it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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