I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
