I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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