I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Im part way to drunk.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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