her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
