I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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