she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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