wanna go halves on a baby?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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