Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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